irst and foremost tell him that you need him.

This does not mean that he has to camp out at the south end of the bed or be in charge of the birth at all! It does mean that you need and want his emotional support; that you want to know that he will be there for you unconditionally, that you can count on him to get what you need and to take care of you.

Giving birth is a physical, emotional, and sometimes spiritual experience. You will not be going through the file cabinet of your brain, pulling up what you learned or read when you were pregnant. Partners, on the other hand, are not having uterine contractions during this process! They are able to remember and be there and do for you in a way that no one else in the building can. They are the person that loves you head to toe, who can provide that sense of unconditional support unlike anyone else. Inspire versus overwhelm – when men think that they are being pressured, they often experience a kind of “performance anxiety” before labor has even begun!

The reason that I wrote the book and produced a DVD titled The Best Birth is due in large part to the fact that partners were clueless about what to do during labor and delivery. No one had ever counted them as essential to the experience, given them permission to take an active role the day of delivery, or instilled in them a sense of confidence that they could make a big contribution to the experience. (For a close look at exactly what I am talking about, have a peek at The Best Birth website where there are actual clips of the childbirth class DVD.) 

The day that your baby is born is a memory that you will have for the rest of your lives. I want it to be a stunning memory, full of accomplishment and satisfaction that you did all the right things and made all the right decisions, with your partner as an instrumental and vital part of the process.