he bouncers at Club Hyde on Sunset Boulevard have all the elements of a Hollywood dream job: LA’s most beautiful women vying for their attention, every leading man instantly becoming the “comic sidekick” as they wait to be let in, and three or four gargantuan co-stars at their beck and call should trouble arise.
Although the line outside your wife’s hospital room may not be quite as long, there is still much to be learned from those muscled gatekeepers with the clipboards. After all, you will be expected to “work the door” of her room, and to take the job as seriously as those club bouncers take theirs.
A few things to keep in mind:
1. BE PREPARED
A good bouncer is always prepared with his guest list, flashlight, walkie-talkie, etc. When you pack your overnight bag, remember all your wife’s necessities, luxuries, and anything else that may help her to be more comfortable. This includes having the infant car seat installed before the due date.
Create a list of contact names. These are the people you can call for help, advice, support, and most importantly, to spread the word when the baby has arrived.
DO NOT think you will remember who to call just because their names are in your cell phone. You could be standing, pacing, and offering words of encouragement for two days straight and when the time comes, your brain may be so fried you won’t remember your own name, much less the ones of people you’re supposed to call.
2. CHECK IDs
Know the medical staff and anyone else who might be entering your room during the delivery.
This list could include but is not limited to:
- Doctor/Obstetrician: Don’t expect to see him/her until the very end of this whole process.
- Midwife: Would be there in place of (or in addition to) a doctor. You would definitely see her a lot sooner than the OB.
- Doula: An additional person assigned to assist your wife and the family, if you have elected to have one.
- Labor Nurses: There will probably be two, possibly three, depending on hospital scheduling. THESE NURSES ARE YOUR VIPs! Treat them respectfully, introduce yourself by name, and get to know theirs — they will likely be there from start to finish.
- Specialists: An assortment of medical professionals who may be called upon if needed, most notably…
- Anesthesiologist: (if your wife is opting for pain relief): Like the Hollywood A-list Movie Star, the anesthesiologist is greeted with open arms, smiles of joy, and is immediately ushered inside. Don't underestimate how much this "star" can elevate the atmosphere in the room.
- OB Tech: Like the quiet guy at the end of the line who happens to be best friends with the club’s owner, you won’t see this person until the end. But the OB Tech has an important job: setting up the table of instruments and assisting the doctor during the delivery.
- Nursery Nurse: Occasionally, the nursery nurse will attend the birth of your child. Ask about the hospital’s policy regarding this matter.
- Her Personal VIP List: With so many people coming and going, a good bouncer needs to know who has carte blanche to enter at will and who should be sent to the back of the line. Remember: If you don’t like your wife’s choices or feel slighted that your mother isn’t on the list, remember that it’s not you who is about to pass a bowling ball through your body.
3. KNOW WHEN TO CLOSE THE DOORS
No matter how big any club is, there will always be a limit to how many people will be let in at any given time. It’s the same with your wife’s delivery (and recovery) room. If you’re not sure if a particular person is on the list, remember that discretion is the better part of valor.
Always remember that giving birth is at once joyous, emotionally draining, and exhaustive for both parents. Be protective of your space. Your wife will need plenty of rest (as will you), so don’t overdo the socializing. Be polite, but firm, to any unwanted or ill-timed guests who come by before and after your baby’s delivery.
4. KEEP YOUR EYES AND EARS OPEN, BUT REMEMBER THAT THE IMPORTANT STUFF IS GOING ON INSIDE.
It’s easy for any bouncer to get caught up with the lines of interesting people outside the club. But remember the action is going on inside, and your primary objective is to create the most comfortable environment possible for your wife. This can be a daunting task when you’re working with a sterile room filled with strangers, medical contraptions, and lousy blankets. Just don’t lose track of her needs by getting so caught up with the comings and goings of everyone else around you.
5. DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE VERBAL.
A good bouncer doesn’t have to yell but they shouldn’t be afraid to speak up — politely, kindly, and if necessary, firmly. This includes dealing not only with your guests, but with the medical staff as well. Make sure they are all aware of your wife’s wishes regarding her labor, any medications, birthing and baby care plans, along with any other preferences, concerns, or questions she may have. And don’t forget your own questions and concerns — this is your child, too — never be afraid to ask about anything.
Following these few simple steps have helped keep nightclubs running smoothly, and they can surely help you do the same.
At the end of the night, the bouncer at Club Hyde may have a few anecdotes or laughs, but when you work the door at Club Childbirth, you become part of a lifetime of memories where the guest who matters the most is the one who just “arrived.”
About The AuthorBlessed with two wonderful children, Alan continues to amaze himself at how much he has to learn about this master class called Parenthood. Originally from Boston, he settled down in Los Angeles in 1993 (just in time for the big earthquake).
Happy to be part of The Cradle, Alan also writes for the stage and screen where several of his plays and short films have been produced here in LA and NY. Most recently, Alan’s short film, The Passion of the Couch, premiered at the Faux Film Festival in Portland, Oregon (reviewed on IMDB), and his children’s book, The Great City on the Hill was seen on a PBS TV channel in western Massachusetts. For more information on these and other projects, go to alanaymie.com. Alan, his lovely wife Heather, and their children live in Beverly Hills, CA.
