growing family is one of the most exciting things in the world for parents. To help ensure it’s just as exciting for your firstborn (or any of your children), here are a few tips for including them and making them feel just as loved as they were before that other adorable little person came along.

Try Not to Blame the Baby
During pregnancy: With a bulging belly and an aching back, it may be hard for you to pick up your other child. Try to avoid saying things like, “I can’t pick you up because there’s a baby in my tummy.” Simple explanations such as, “Mommy’s back hurts” or “Mommy is too big right now” will do the trick without planting any seeds for future resentment. Your best bet is to just state the facts as they relate to you and not blame the baby.

After Baby’s Arrival: When your little one wants to go to the park and you can’t muster the energy, you might be tempted to explain that you’re exhausted from staying up all night with the baby. But this just makes the baby the culprit . You might want to try, “Mommy is too tired today – would you like to read a book?”

If it’s a book they’re looking for and Mom has to nurse, try to leave “the baby” out of the explanation. “Mommy needs to nurse” should suffice. On the other hand, if you can nurse your newborn and read to your older one at once, you’ve found a great way to turn a conflict into quality family time!

Include Your Child
As you know by now, your child picks up on a lot. When you and your spouse are giddy over the pregnancy, explain this to your child. “Our family is growing and we’re all going to have more people to love,” is a great way to include your child in the experience.

Some other ways to include your older child:

Make Your Older Child Feel Important
A new arrival means your older one gets to be the big brother or sister. Relate this to your own family: “Did you know that Aunt Sue is Mommy’s big sister?”

During Pregnancy:
Put together a little photo album with your first child’s ultrasound photos, Mommy pregnant, and parents and grandparents holding him as a newborn in the hospital. The hospital photo will also help your older child feel comfortable seeing Mommy in the hospital bed this time around. Continue to look through the photo album and reminisce throughout the current pregnancy – and especially after the baby’s arrival.

After Baby’s Arrival:
Enlist your older child’s help. Believe it or not, most kids love this!

Some ways to ask for help:

Make Emotional Changes before the Baby Comes:

Jennifer Waldburger, the co-creator of The Sleepeasy Solution offers this advice when making the transition from crib to a “big kid” bed:

“When a new baby comes home, toddlers usually have mixed feelings about someone else in the home being called the "baby.” You don't want to exacerbate this sensitivity by imposing yet another change that highlights your toddler's shift away from babyhood. Timing is everything – if a new baby will arrive in the household in less than a month, the older child will already be feeling keyed up about the impending changes, and this isn't the ideal time to make big adjustments regarding sleep. It's best to transition to a bed several months before or after the arrival of the new sibling. It’s also good to wait until children are at least 3 years old so they have the language development and ability to follow rules around bedtime .”

A great way to help older siblings understand the changes ahead is to put things in terms they can comprehend. There are a number of good books on this topic written for children that help illustrate positive ways to adjust to a new baby in the home.

Check out our suggestions in Gifts for the Big Brother or Big Sister.

Many hospitals offer “new sibling classes” that you can attend during pregnancy. These classes are usually geared toward children ages 3 and up. If this applies to your household, check with your pediatrician or with your hospital directly.

Children will enjoy toting a baby doll of their own around as you carry your new baby. Your older one can pretend to change diapers, feed, and even take his “baby” out for a walk while you stroll his new sibling.

For more ideas on baby dolls, check out our suggestions in Gifts for the Big Brother or Big Sister.

Display Your Older Child’s Picture in the Hospital Room
It may be a little confusing for your older child when he visits Mommy in the hospital for the first time –  besides wearing that funny gown, she’ll have an extra roommate, too!

Including pictures of your older one will let him know that Mom and Dad have been thinking of him while they’ve been away. Your older child will be assured that he is still close to his parents’ hearts even though the new arrival is currently getting most of the attention.

A Gift from the Baby

Check out our suggestions in Gifts for the Big Brother or Big Sister.

A Gift from You
A small gift from the parents to the older child will make him feel special.

Ride Home from the Hospital Together
Mom, Dad, new baby, and older sibling can share in the momentous arrival home together! If your older child is staying with friends or family, have them bring him to the hospital so he can join his family for the ride home – or have Daddy make a special trip to pick your older one up so everyone can ride home together.

Stick to the Routine
Try to maintain your older child’s pre-baby routine. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the busy schedule of a newborn, but be sensitive about changes to your older child’s routine during this emotionally charged time.

Things to keep consistent:

Schedule Alone Time
Ensure your older one knows he hasn’t been forgotten by giving him some one-on-one time. This can mean a park date or simply reading a book while baby sleeps.

Schedule Together Time
Similarly, make sure Mom, Dad, baby and older sibling all spend time together. Go to the park or read a bedtime story as a family. The newborn will likely sleep through it, but it’s never too soon to establish bonding time.

An additional child means additional love for everyone. A little thoughtfulness and sensitivity toward the older child will help make this incredibly special time all the more enjoyable.